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Sharing dementia care between siblings

Caring for a parent with dementia rarely divides evenly. One sibling usually lives closer and carries most of it; the others want to help but do not know what happened this week. A few habits, and one shared record, make the division fairer and the conversations easier.

Name the main carer, and protect them

Most families have one person doing the daily work. Say so out loud, and agree what the others take on: a fixed afternoon, the pharmacy runs, the paperwork, a weekend each month so the main carer gets a break. Respite is how care lasts for years, not a luxury. If you are the main carer, our caregiver burnout quiz can help you put the load into words.

Replace the nightly phone call with a shared log

"How was Mom today?" asked three times a night by three siblings is exhausting to answer. A shared log answers it once: the main carer taps how the day went, ticks the medications and notes anything hard. Everyone else reads it when they like and adds what they saw on their own visits.

In Anchorly, one sibling shows a code from Settings → Share with family and the others scan it on their phones. A sibling who would rather not install anything can open the same log in a browser at anchorly.adelyons.com with the code.

Let visits add to the record

The sibling who visits on Sunday sees things the main carer may not: a better mood with grandchildren around, confusion that seems new. Writing those down, especially the good moments, gives the family a fuller picture and gives the main carer something other than problems to read.

Decide things with the record in front of you

Disagreements between siblings often come from seeing different weeks. When it is time to talk about more help at home, a day center or a move, a shared log of the last month gives everyone the same facts. For the bigger picture, a dementia stages checklist filled in monthly shows how things are changing.

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